Write Out Loud (Reviews and Writing)

“…not a perfect or wholly convincing book, Sean Grace has nonetheless written a useful resource that can be dipped into regularly…”

Many self-help books attempt to give the reader some kind of ‘edge’, some trick or tools that will allow them to get ‘one up’ on others. Such books are, as far as I’m concerned, snake oil. They fail for the majority of readers and, frankly, they are not nice books written by not nice authors.

So it was a pleasant surprise to read Sean Grace’s book on, effectively, asking the right questions. The book is the product of 25 years of coaching and speaking on communication, largely for business audiences. The author, according to his bio, is well in demand for his services by some of the world’s top organisations. The temptation must surely have been there to make a ‘how to ask the right questions so you get ahead of the competition’ kind of book. Grace doesn’t. He writes a ‘how to ask the right questions so that everyone wins’ kind of book.

The author is clearly intelligent and writes well. His research is good and oozes experience. The book, for all that initial feel of being a dodgy self-help guide, settles into a flow of really useful information. He starts the journey by looking at the great ancient philosophers – Socrates, Plato and Aristotle – and looks at various ways of reasoning and learning about truth. So far, all so very A level Philosophy. It’s all classic stuff – but that’s no bad thing.

He then goes on to consider ‘knowing yourself’ looking at mindfulness, meditation in general and classic thinking errors such as the Dunning-Kruger effect. Grace actually presents very useful and practical ideas for meditating and delivers all his ideas with good humour and humility. I do wonder though just how much he can expect students to take all of this in, just to understand how to ask ‘good questions’ or think more carefully and creatively. It’s fascinating stuff but I can’t see people running through it all before they have a conversation with someone else.

After all this, he completes the first part of his book by looking at the most common fallacies including strawman and ad hominem. This is an excellent essay introducing these concepts and the author writes clearly. It is a must-read chapter for anyone looking to improve their arguments and see how people go down rabbit holes with their arguments. After this chapter, you learn to understand how conspiracy theories propagate.

The second part gives advice on how to deal with various aspects of discussion. Grace starts with listening skills. This comes close to being esoteric and is borderline too Buddhist for me – being open to our own bias and trying to just ‘see’ rather than prejudge. That’s ok when contemplating the meaning of life but it’s not quite the same when John in the HR department just isn’t doing his fecking job. Nevertheless, there’s some useful material here and the author does well with keeping it real and practical.

In the next chapter he moves on to how to frame questions. How hard can it be to ask a ‘good’ question? Very easy, it turns out, if you know the different types of questions and their effects. Very hard, if you don’t. It was in this chapter that I finally learned something very new to me! The power of ‘How’ over ‘Why’ was very useful to learn. The way you frame a question can make or break a discussion or even a relationship. I liked this a lot.

From there we move on to safe ground – act as known, for therapists – about asking a range of types of questions with the intention of getting someone to open up about problems and find solutions. There’s nothing new here, if you’re trained in this field. For those who aren’t, it’s good solid stuff that can be used (albeit with care) in conversations with someone who is struggling.

To end the second part he looks at dealing with conflict and difficult conversations. Here the material is less convincing. Coming from an American-style of thinking that ‘correctly worded’ conversations with make things as smooth as possible, my experience is this just doesn’t work and often actually makes one side feel disempowered and and helpless. Sure, this advice can stop you from framing things inappropriately that might inflame a situation or even get you into trouble, if it is a professional context, but that’s more about speaking in kindness and not allowing emotion to lead. The kind of examples given in this book are very much what you find in any workplace where someone in power wants to tell you off and does so in ‘reasonable’ language so you have no comeback. I’ve been in these conversations and, frankly, I’d rather have a good old argument with someone and get it out of our systems.

The third section looks at finding solutions to problems with the first chapter providing a range of classic problem-solving tools and mnemonics used for identifying problems and finding solutions in the business world. Again, nothing new here you can’t access elsewhere on the internet, but useful information to have in one place. There’s a range of fascinating strategies here if you’ve not come across them before.

He then looks at brainstorming and improvisation using the documentary of The Beatles’ Let It Be sessions as a masterclass in communal creativity. It’s good stuff – not least because it is about The Beatles. Finally, Sean Grace asks ‘How might we?’ and looks to the world of Design Thinking to provide further ideas for asking the right questions.

Overall then, while not a perfect or wholly convincing book, Sean Grace has nonetheless written a useful resource that can be dipped into regularly after an initial first full read. This is a kind book and gives a wholly positive message – thus, as I say, a bit of a breath of fresh air from usual books of this type. Most convincing are sections of working as a team to find solutions to problems and innovations. Less convincing is dealing with confrontation. The first part looking at the theory of questioning is worth the price of the book though. Grace’s book is as pleasant to read as it is useful. Definitely worth having on your bookshelf.

My Verdict:

Social Entrepreneur, educationalist, bestselling author and journalist, D K Powell is the author of the bestselling collection of literary short stories “The Old Man on the Beach“. His first book, ‘Sonali’ is a photo-memoir journal of life in Bangladesh and has been highly praised by the Bangladeshi diaspora worldwide. Students learning the Bengali language have also valued the English/Bengali translations on every page. His third book is ‘Try not to Laugh’ and is a guide to memorising, revising and passing exams for students.

Both ‘The Old Man on the Beach’ and ‘Sonali’ are available on Amazon for kindle and paperback. Published by Shopno Sriti Media. The novel,’The Pukur’, was published by Histria Books in 2022.

D K Powell is available to speak at events (see his TEDx talk here) and can be contacted at dkpowell.contact@gmail.com. Alternatively, he is available for one-to-one mentoring and runs a course on the psychology of writing. Listen to his life story in interview with the BBC here.

Ken writes for a number of publications around the world. Past reviewer for Paste magazine, The Doughnut, E2D and United Airways and Lancashire Life magazine. Currently reviews for Northern Arts Review. His reviews have been read more than 7.9 million times.

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